It was confusing and full of hummus
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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