guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
