im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
