I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
