I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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