Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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