you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
