i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
