My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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