No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
