When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
