I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
