We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Can you bring me the toilet please
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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