Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
