So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
