i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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