Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just tell him i said nine months
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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