those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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