Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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