His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
