Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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