mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
