Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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