I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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