the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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