I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Drunk is a universal language darling
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
