make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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