I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
