Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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