i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
