he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
