I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
