I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
