Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
