Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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