May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
