i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
