can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
