hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
