That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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