i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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