Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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