I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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