There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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