She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
