There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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