my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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