Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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