considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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