508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
