Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
