Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
